Why Your Waitress Hates You.

The person labeled “1” is an aggravated waitress who deals with these types of customers her entire shift. The person labeled “2” is another average annoying customer.

1: Hello, welcome to Peppers. My name is-

2: Diet Coke please.

1: …Jane. How are you today?

2: Umm, hold on I don’t know what I want yet…

1: That’s okay, you said you wanted a Diet Coke? Sorry sir, but we have Pepsi products, not Coke products. I can get you a Diet Pepsi inste-

2: No. I didn’t want Diet Coke. I said I wanted just water with extra lemons and no seeds.

1: Clearly you said you wanted Diet Coke first, but that’s okay. Unless I’m going insane, I’ll ring that up for you.

*She gets the water and a bowl of lemons to the table. *

1: Here you go, sir.

2: Hey! I said no ice in this drink! Can’t you listen?

1: My apologies, sir. I’ll get you another glass of water with no ice.

2: What? Why? Can’t you just take out the ice out of this one?

1: Because in this world, there is no such thing as a “ice remover tool”. I have to ring in another separate glass.

2: But I don’t want to be charged for two glasses of water!

1: You won’t, sir. Glasses of water are free refills anyway.

2: Then what do you expect me to do with this glass?

1: Either you can drink it, or I can dump it out for you.

2: Whatever. Just dump it for me.

1: Sure. It’s not like there are people that would actually benefit from the full glass or anything.

*She gets the new water glass with no ice to the table. *

1: Here you go, sir. I will now leave you to read the menu so that I may tend to my other tables.

2: No. Don’t go. I need you to tell me what this is.

1: Sir, the descriptions of each menu item are written on the menu. I cannot spoon-feed the descriptions for you. I have other tables to serve. I’ll be right back.

2: No! Don’t go! Please!

*She ignores the customer’s commands and tends to the other tables. *

*Around 4 minutes later… *

1: Hello, I’m here to tend to you now. What questions do you have for me?

2: Thanks for coming and hopefully you won’t ignore me now… I am ready to order.

1: Sorry for that, sir. Just to let you know, you aren’t entitled enough to become first priority over my other tables. What did you want to order?

2: …I don’t know.

1: You said you were ready.

2: I am. But can you spend a massive amount of time standing there until I really tell you what I want?

1: Again sir, you are not entitled enough to be priority over my other tables. It’s either you’re ready or you’re not ready and I’ll come back to you.

2: Okay, now I’m ready.

1: Alright, what would you like to order?

2: I still don’t know.

1: …

2: Oh, wait. I’ll just take the spaghetti and meatballs. Is there pork in the tomato sauce?

1: No, sir. There’s no pork in our tomato sauce. Would you like that as a special order?

2: No. It is against my religion to eat pork. God will smite me if I eat pork.

1: Then there will be no pork in the sauce. Would you like anything else?

2: Yes, bring me the breadsticks that I should’ve gotten a long time ago. I thought it came as soon as I got here.

1: Yes, sir. I’ll bring the breadsticks, but we don’t give them as soon as in enter into the restaurant. We give them as an appetizer and as soon as you order.

2: Okay, also I ruined my water by adding in too much Splenda in a attempt to make my own lemonade because I am too cheap to pay $2 to buy one handcrafted. I want you to take off the water glass off of the bill, please.

1: But you drank it all, sir. The glass is empty…

2: I don’t care. Take it off the bill please.

1: …fine. Is that all?

2: Yes.

1: Okay, sir. I’ll be right back.

*She brings the breadsticks. *

1: Here are the breadsticks, sir. Your spaghetti will come out shortly.

2: Finally! There you are. I wanted to ask if I could order a new glass of water? I’m so thirsty.

1: Sir. You asked me to take off your water off of the bill. If you ask me for a refill on water, I might have to charge you for the water like normal.

2: What? Why?

1: Sir. There is no point in getting more water if you tend on exploiting our services. If you wanted free water, I could’ve brought you a child’s cup full and you’ll get free refills on that. Not an entire glass.

2: Yeah. Give me the glass of water for free.

1: I cannot do that, sir.

2: Why not?

1: I just went over this. We charge for glasses of water. You told me to take your ruined glass of water off the bill, in which I did. But now you’re ordering a new glass, so I must put it back on the bill.

2: Fine, just hurry with my spaghetti.

1: Of course, sir.

*She brings the new glass of water and spaghetti. *

1: Here you go. Is there anything else I can get for you?

2: Yes. Bring me the parmesan please.

1: Alright I’ll be right back.

*She brings the parmesan grater. *

1: Here you go.

2: Can I also get some oil for my spaghetti?

1: Alright I’ll be right back.

*She brings the bottle of oil. *

1: Here you go.

2: Can I also get some crushed red pepper?

1: Sure, sir. Is there anything – and I mean anything – else that I can get for you while I’m here?

2: No.

1: Okay, then I’ll be right back.

*She brings the crushed red pepper. *

1: Here you go, sir.

2: Can I also get the salt and pepper from another table? My table doesn’t have one.

1: …I hate you so much…

2: What?

1: Nothing, sir. I’ll get that salt and pepper for you.

*She gets the salt and pepper shakers. *

1: Here you go, sir. How is your spaghetti?

2: It got cold because you took too long to get my things that I want. Can you warm this up in the microwave?

1: Well maybe I could get your stuff faster, if you told me everything that you needed so I may get it all in one trip. And sure, I can refire your spaghetti for you. Thanks for wasting my valuable time that I could’ve spent on other, nicer tables.

*She brings out the reheated spaghetti and the check. *

1: Here you go, sir. Your spaghetti and the bill for tonight.

2: Thank you. And here is your tip.

1: What’s this? 54 cents on a $13.36 bill? Sir, I’m so grateful.

2: You’ve earned every last penny. Good job.

1: Yay. Can’t wait to pay my rent with this. Have a lovely day, sir…