“Hi! Welcome to Subway!”

The person labeled “1” is someone who is a casual employee at a Subway. The person labeled “2” is yet another annoying customer.

1: Hi! Welcome to Subway!

2: Come on door!

*The customer is struggling with the front door a bit. *

1: Hello, sir. May I help you?

2: I came from an engineering job and yet I couldn’t figure out that when a door has a push bar, it means to push the door.

1: How can I help you?

2: Uh, lemme just get a whole sub.

1: Okay. What bread would you like it on?

2: What breads do you have?

1: Our breads are displayed in the case, which is right in front of your face.

2: What kind of meat comes on the turkey breast?

1: Did…you…just…ask-

2: Umm, actually lemme get a meatball sub. Is it a $5 footlong?

1: No, the meatball sub is not $5. The menu lists what subs are $5 footlongs.

2: Oh. Then I’ll get the Italian BTM.

1: Okay, now may I ask what bread you want it on?

2: I heard flatbread was good…

1: Here is the flatbread, sir.

2: What? It looks disgusting and stale! I don’t want that. Just give me the 9-grain.

1: Okay. Wheat or honey oat?

2: What? No. I said 9-grain!

1: Yes, you did. But do you want the 9-grain wheat or the 9-grain honey oat…?

2: … What’s the difference?

1: Well, sir, one has honey oats and one is wheat bread.

2: Give me the wheat one then.

1: Okay, what cheese do you want? We have cheddar, pepper jack, or white American cheese.

2: Swiss.

1: I just went over what we have, swiss was not an option.

2: Then give me that white cheese there.

1: What white cheese? The white American?

2: No, that one there.

1: You have to speak up, sir. I can’t see what you are pointing at.

2: Right there!

1: Oh, you meant pepper jack?

2: Yes.

1: Okay, I apologize that my eyes seem to malfunction with your order. Would you like the sandwich toasted?

2: No.

1: Alright, now what vegetables do you want?

2: Yes.

1: ……

*She eyerolls. *

2: Oh, huh? I mean, I want lots of vegetables on it since I want to eat healthy, just give me everything.

1: …very healthy, sir.

*She starts to pile the vegetables onto the sandwich. *

2: No! I didn’t want tomatoes on it. I just wanted lettuce and black olives!

1: I- Sir- … Very well. I guess I have to start over with the big pile of mess you made me create.

2: And I want avocado with it.

1: …and you tell me this now? Even after the vegetables I put on there…? Whatever. Would you like this to be a meal?

2: No.

1: Okay, then your total is $5.35.

2: What? Why? Wasn’t it supposed to be $5?

1: Well, sir, it seems to me that you live in a world where there’s something called “sales tax”. Please keep this in mind for the next time you go shopping.

2: Fine. Can you break this $100 bill? I know I passed two signs; one on the front door and one near the register that you only accept bills that are $20 or lower.

1: Sir, I can’t do that. There isn’t enough change in the register to break up the $100 bill. Is this a bank to you?

2: But it’s all I have…

1: So, you mean, you left your house today and financially prepared yourself with only a $100 bill and absolutely nothing else?

2: No. I also brought a credit card. And since I’m impatient I’ll just use it.

1: So, you DO treat this place as a bank… Alright, well thank you for coming, and here is your receipt.

2: Oh, wait, can I order 3 other sandwiches too?

1: Just get out…